Inside the Matchmaking Interview
Matchmaking Interview: What Actually Happens in Your First Real Conversation With a Toronto Matchmaker
People imagine a questionnaire and a sales pitch. In reality, the matchmaking interview is the most honest conversation about your love life you have had in years. Here is how I run it, and why.
Almost everyone who books a matchmaking interview with me is a little nervous. Afterward, almost everyone says the same thing: that was not what I expected. I have been a Toronto matchmaker since 2009, so I have had this conversation with thousands of people. The format has barely changed, because it works. Here is what it looks like from your side.
Before the Matchmaking Interview
Everything starts with a Next Steps Call. It is 15 minutes, it costs $25, and that fee is credited toward your program if you decide to move forward. On that call I want to hear where you are and what has been happening. Then I tell you honestly which starting point fits, even if it is the least expensive one.
If matchmaking is the right fit, we book the longer conversation. There is nothing to prepare. You do not need a list. You just need to be willing to answer honestly.
The First Half: Your Story, Not Your Checklist
I do not start with what you want. Instead, I start with what has happened. We talk about your last few relationships, how they began, and how they ended. We also talk about the dating you have done since, including what you enjoyed and what wore you down. The pattern usually shows itself somewhere in the second story, and it is rarely the pattern people think they have.
This is where a matchmaker earns her fee. A questionnaire cannot hear that you light up describing one kind of person and go flat describing the kind you say you want. I can. And I will say so, kindly, because that gap is usually the whole reason you are talking to me.
The matchmaking interview is not about finding out what you want. It is about finding out what you respond to. Those are often two different people.
The Second Half: How You Actually Live
Then we get practical. Your work and its hours. Where you really spend your weekends. Children, if you have them, and how they fit. Faith, money and family, at whatever depth you are comfortable with. We also talk about your range: someone outside the city, someone with kids, someone a few years older or younger than your instinct says.
None of this is about judgement. It is about making sure the people I introduce you to fit the life you have, not the life you describe on a form. I also ask about the things that end relationships quietly, such as how you handle conflict and how much time alone you need. People are braver about these questions than you might think.
What I Am Doing While You Talk
Two things at once. First, I am building the picture I will carry into every introduction. Second, I am already matching. By the end of most conversations I have people in mind, from our own network or from the matchmaking partners we work with. If I do not have a strong match for you yet, I will say that too. A wait is better than a bad introduction.
After the Matchmaking Interview
From here, the search begins in earnest. Every introduction is shaped by feedback, and we gather it from both sides after each date. Confidentiality runs through all of it. Your profile is never posted anywhere, and discretion is the whole point of working this way. Many clients start meeting noticeably better people within about six weeks, mostly because they stop repeating the thing that was not working.
Questions People Ask Me
Is the matchmaking interview a sales pitch?
No. By the time we have this conversation, you have already chosen to work together. The interview is the work.
Do I have to live in Toronto?
Matchmaking introductions are focused on Toronto and the GTA, because that is where my network is strongest. Coaching and online dating support happen by video and phone, so I work with clients across Canada and the US.
What if I am not ready for matchmaking yet?
Then I will tell you, and suggest where to start. For a lot of people that is the Online Dating Accelerator, a one-month rebuild of your profile, photos and app strategy. Others start with daily text support. Many come back for matchmaking later, and they arrive far better prepared.
Curious Whether Matchmaking Is Right for You?
The easiest first step is a Next Steps Call. It is short and there is no pressure. If you would like to understand the options first, read how to choose a matchmaker in Toronto, or see what clients say in our Google reviews.
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