It’s hard for most people to imagine being with someone who isn’t “their type.” It doesn’t feel comfortable or natural to them to even think about it. It might be because they don’t feel themselves, or they might be intimidated by the idea of venturing into unknown territory.
If the above statements sound like you, it might surprise you to hear that YOU are likely the biggest reason you are not getting the dating results you are hoping for. Horror! But don’t fret – there is hope. All you have to do is open your mind up to possibilities you might not have considered before.
Don’t Get Stuck In A Rut
Do you find yourself choosing the same type of partner over and over again? Are you not getting the results you hope for?
Here’s an interesting fact. Even when they have a list of desirable traits they say are important in a partner, most people don’t choose people based on those characteristics. They do, however, tend to end up dating the same kind of person over and over.
Here’s another one. Studies (both scientific and the informal survey type) show that people don’t tend to marry their “type” at all when it comes to tying the knot.
Why People Tend to Date—But Not Marry—Their “Type”
Does this sound familiar? Your type tends to be the broody, aloof, tall, good-looking musician. The relationship is comfortable enough at first because you’re used to this sort of behaviour, but when it comes to your needs, you always get the back seat. Eventually (and sometimes it takes years), you don’t want to put up with it anymore, so you break up, vowing to make better choices for yourself next time.
Of course, your favourite thing is going to see live music. You go to a lot of shows, so you end up meeting musicians and other people who fall into that category. You’re outwardly attracted to a specific type of person, but if you continue to go down that road, the result is usually the same.
The point of that analogy is that you’re meeting the people you date in places where you both spend a lot of time. Whether you meet people at church, the gym, or at a bar, these choices are less to do with suitability than they are about circumstances. You are more likely to meet people in places where you share a similar interest or activity, but that doesn’t mean you’re compatible, and it certainly doesn’t mean that they will make a good match for you. That one common interest might be the only thing that connects you.
When you break free from dating your type, you will likely find that you get better results. We have found that most successful matches are between two people who wouldn’t have chosen themselves for each other, which is good evidence to support stepping outside of your comfort zone.
Sure, it might be a little strange at first. But if you insist on going through the litany of characteristics they don’t have, you’re missing the bigger picture. Once you connect with somebody who doesn’t fit your rigid ideal, you’ll probably find that your “type” is suddenly quite different than what you were stuck on before.
Be Open to Possibilities
Most of our clients approach us because what they are doing isn’t working. They have no problems getting dates and meeting people, but they are frustrated and discouraged that every relationship ends up the same way. If this sounds like a line from your story, it should be a relief to know that you’re not alone. And that science has your back!
When you’re ready to meet your match, we’re here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our matchmaking, date coaching, and relationship coaching services. Your true match is out there, and we’d love to make the introductions!