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by Rebecca Cooper-Traynor

The Importance of Self-Love in a Relationship

All relationships have their ups and downs. It’s the nature of human interaction.There are good times, and there are bad times too.

We all evolve at our own pace. When we’re in a relationship, we grow and change with our partner, so it’s inevitable to feel the highs and lows.

It’s essential to recognise that all relationships have hardships, and that’s okay. If you think everything will always be wonderful, you are in for a rude awakening.

Riding the Wave Without Going Under

It’s healthy for a relationship to feel tension sometimes. Conflict helps to improve communication with your love. It helps you learn how to resolve issues together and to re-engage. 

A relationship needs attention, but so do you.

You may have heard the adage – “You must drink from the well to nourish yourself before you can nourish others.”

What that means is – you need to be in a good place before you try to make your relationship better. You need to do whatever it takes to put yourself in a good place before you attempt to “fix” the two of you.

What Does it Mean to Love Yourself?

Having a healthy relationship is not about melding your life and everything in it with your partner’s.

We start our relationships as two whole, separate people. Over time, once the initial phase of getting to know each other has passed, we let the space between us dissipate. We lose our sense of self and absorb ourselves into the relationship and begin to depend on the other person for validation. Sometimes, this happens on both sides, creating a toxic situation that leaves both partners physically and emotionally drained.

It’s a matter of “what you bring to the situation is what you’ll get out of it.” If you can’t show up as a whole person, you’ll only be draining your partner and vice versa.

Self-love means that you love yourself and your relationship. They are two separate and whole things, and each individual is not dependent on the other to survive.

Relationships are a challenge, but especially so if you don’t have a lot of self-love. Insecurities inevitably lead to issues, which could result in a breakup.

The takeaway from this is that you should have already been practicing self-love before entering into a relationship. But if the space between you is already full of neediness and insecurity, you’ve still got a chance to turn it around.

Here are some tips to get you started on some healthy self-love:

Maintain Your Independence

Allow yourself some space. See your friends, keep your rituals, and give yourself enough time apart to do things that feed your soul.

Be Responsible for Your Own Happiness

You are the only one who can genuinely make you happy in life. Your partner can bring you joy, but you can’t make them responsible for your happiness.

Keep in mind that being happy is a choice. Don’t tell yourself that you’ll be happy “when.”

Choose to be happy now. If something isn’t right in your life, it’s your responsibility to change it, not your partner’s. On the same tack, if you’re not happy, fixing your partner isn’t going to bring it back. But sometimes, that’s how we behave. It’s a flawed strategy, to say the least.

We All Have Flaws. Forgive Yourself.

Don’t get down on yourself for your shortcomings. We all have them! Taking a self-deprecating view of yourself only gets in the way of self-love. When we get to know our partner, it’s inevitable that our flaws will surface. This doesn’t mean that you or your mate is a bad person.

Try to See What Your Partner Sees In You

If you can’t see anything good in yourself, self-love will be hard to come by. Ask your partner what they love about you, and you do the same for them. Use this exercise to understand the connection between the two of you better. If you can see yourself through their eyes, perhaps you can start appreciating your own worth.

Making The Right Choices For You

Keeping a relationship healthy and fresh starts from within. Feeling comfortable with yourself and your choices, accepting your truths, loving yourself – this will allow you to find many points of happiness with another. 

If I think back to some of my past relationships, the self-love wasn’t there. I made poor choices in partners because I didn’t value myself enough to learn who I truly was and that I deserved something much more. Had I not learned to practice self-love,I would not be where I am today. I am happy, fulfilled, and learning more about love every single day.

Are you ready to find your perfect match? Reach out today to learn how to get started.