Home / Dating / Choosing a life partner used to be so much easier!

by Rebecca Cooper-Traynor

Choosing a life partner used to be so much easier!

In ages past, choosing a life partner was so much easier. Ever wonder why that is?

Mostly, it was easier because there were fewer ways to go about doing it. Plus, people seemed to be more open-minded in terms of getting to know someone over a period of time to see if there was a real connection.

Singles would be introduced to each other by friends, neighbours, family, or coworkers. You could say, we were matchmakers for each other – the people in your inner circle would match you up with a single someone they knew of that they thought might share some things in common with you. You already had friends in common, so in many cases, it was easy to take a leap of faith. These were known quantities to a certain extent, not complete strangers.

Also, in the past, people didn’t have a long list of requirements when they were looking for a connection. When they met someone they liked, they were willing to take a chance. As a result, they were more invested in trying to make the relationship work.

What’s different about finding love today?

These days people use various interactive tools, online platforms, and technology to look for love. They often invest a great deal of money, time, emotions, and vulnerabilities in the process and many feel that there isn’t anybody out there who is worthy of this investment.

Some may simply wonder why this is, while others feel like “these days,” diverting from that long list of requirements means that they would be “settling,” and that’s something that they are just not interested in.

These days, people are looking for love being fully present in their heart, mind, and soul. They are always referring back to that list – the one that details what they believe to be their perfect match and will only commit to a person that has all of those qualities.

The truth about finding love

The truth is, finding a love that lasts isn’t quite that cut-and-dried.

How can you predict who your perfect love match is going to be based on an impossible list of requirements? Finding a genuine connection with somebody requires a great deal of open-mindedness. You need to allow yourself the opportunity to really get to know a person, and for them to get to know you.

Think about it. We are all deeply flawed, but perfect in our own way. How do you think you would measure up to someone else’s idea of perfection?

This is not to say, of course, that the qualities on your list aren’t relevant. Some of them may be deal-breakers for you, and that’s perfectly okay, but you need to allow yourself the opportunity to meet people that might not fit perfectly into your scheme.

Once you stop insisting on perfection, this is when you will likely find your perfect match.

Finding a deep connection takes time. There is no “list” that will lead you to that kind of connection with someone, and it’s ridiculous to think it would.

If finding love is a real priority to you, then you should think about cutting that list down to the three most essential qualities that you are looking for in someone and start there. Make a pact with yourself; agree to see all aspects of the person and to negotiate. Sometimes, the best person for us is not the most obvious one.

So, say yes to matches from friends, family members, neighbours, and colleagues. Instead of immediately thinking the worst of the situation, see it as an opportunity: this person may be exactly who you need in your life. Give yourself that gift. You deserve it.

Are you ready to find lasting love? Reach out today to set up a consultation, or fill out our questionnaire to get started.