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by Rebecca Cooper-Traynor

Quit fooling yourself. He’s just not into you.

He’s just not into you, and that’s okay.

Trust me, I’ve been there before. What I mean by that is, I have dated men (*ahem* … they acted more like boys!) and put 120 percent into what was really a hopelessly lame situation that was clearly going nowhere. Looking back, I think of all the things I could have been doing with my time, but I put it down to experience. Some things you can’t truly understand until you have “been there, done that”.

What I’m trying to say is, sometimes it’s hard to know that you’re being rejected. Eventually, you have to come to terms with the fact that the guy is really little more than an ass and has been stringing you along the whole time.

Of course, in the world of relationships, this is not a new scenario; but guess what? This is actually our problem, for allowing ourselves to continue on. Once we’ve discovered what’s really happening (or not happening), we just need to get ourselves out of the situation – and fast!

Allowing ourselves enough time to get to know someone before plunging in is always a good idea. If you take it slow, there are sure to be plenty of recognizable signs that you are wasting your time.

Here’s what to look out for:

  1. He is always giving you the run-around

    Does he make plans and break them at the last minute? Is he suddenly not picking up when he knows you were supposed to get together? Did “something come up” one too many times? Is he suddenly just too busy to see you? These are all clear signs that he’s just not into you. In reality, everybody gets busy – but if he genuinely cares about you, he will make time. Don’t get hung up on the “why”, either, because it doesn’t really matter. Chances are there is no good reason, so just let it go and move on.

  2. The only time he wants to see you is late at night and it’s either at your place or his

    Ladies, if a man only wants to meet you at a club late at night, or at his place (or yours) after hours, this can only mean one thing. And while that’s totally okay—if you’re both on the same page—don’t take it for what it isn’t. He only really wants one thing and is not willing to have a real, healthy relationship with you.

  3. He doesn’t take you on dates

    No matter how much time you spend together, if he doesn’t take you on dates it’s not a relationship. Say, for instance, you see him often when you’re out and about, and when you do, he is all over you … but … that’s pretty much the only time you ever have any contact with him. Even though he has your number, is friends with you on Facebook, and all that peripheral stuff, your connection is just on the surface. There is no substance. If he was really into you, he would find the time to ask you out.

  4. Nobody in his circle knows you exist

    Have you been dating for a while but have never met any of his friends? This is a major warning sign! Similarly, if you do meet a “good friend” of his and they’ve never even heard of your existence (even though you’ve been seeing each other for six months) you’ve got to wonder … if he was really into you, he would be proud to introduce you to his circle, he would want you to be a part of it.

  5. He’s a jerk to you most of the time, but extra sweet when he wants something

    I’m sure you know the type – he is only nice when he wants something from you. In between, he is little more than a common jerk, belittling you and everything you hold dear at every opportunity. If he cares about you, he will care about the things you care about and will make an effort to do things for you, not just take from you.

In conclusion, many women take what men say at face value. They may say a lot of lovely, sweet things – at first. However, it’s their actions that will really tell you how they feel. Above all, don’t sell yourself short. If he’s not into you, cut him loose. With all the free time you’ll have, you might even find that perfect match sooner than you think.