The Myth of the Perfect First Date: Why You Should Be Looking for Real Moments, Not Just Chemistry
When most people think about dating, they think about that magical first moment. The fireworks. The “wow.” That feeling is when you walk away from a date, and your mind starts racing about what life with that person could look like. But here’s the truth: dating isn’t about instant fireworks—it’s about getting to know someone over time, in real-world settings.
As a matchmaker with Match Me Canada who’s been helping singles for over 15 years, I’ve seen this pattern time and again. People often expect their dating journey to mirror what they see in movies. They expect instant perfection, instant chemistry, and someone who ticks every box right from the start.
But here’s what they’re missing: the real chemistry—the kind that leads to lasting love—happens in the small, real moments.
Step 1: Adjust Your Expectations
Dating apps and websites are tools to meet new people. They are not going to hand you a perfectly packaged partner on a silver platter. The key is not to be dazzled by the profile but to approach the experience with curiosity and a willingness to explore.
Step 2: Understanding Chemistry
Yes, there’s attraction and that initial spark we all crave, but that’s just one layer of connection. Real chemistry develops when you see how someone handles life. It’s in the way they treat others, manage stress, and navigate everyday situations. When you meet someone new, try to shift your focus from “Do they wow me?” to “How do they make me feel in real life?”
Step 3: Real-Life Moments Matter
If you want to get to know someone, put them in different scenarios. Are they gracious when the restaurant gets your order wrong? How do they react when you’re both stuck in traffic? These everyday, mundane moments tell you a lot about whether this person can handle a real relationship.
Instead of getting swept away by the fantasy of what your relationship could be, anchor yourself in the reality of who they are. Watch them, observe them, and learn from the way they act. Remember: A great date doesn’t always equal a great partner.
So next time you’re getting to know someone, don’t rush to build the relationship in your head. Stay present. Look for those little moments that reveal who they are. Because in the end, lasting chemistry comes from truly knowing and accepting the person, not just the version they present on a date.
Until next time, happy dating!
Rebecca Cooper Traynor
Match Me Canada
