Look at you, showing up and putting yourself out there even when it’s complicated. That’s powerful.
I’m Rebecca Cooper Traynor, founder of Match Me Canada. For over 16 years, I’ve been coaching people through dating, love, and heartbreak. When people come to me about their relationships, the questions are usually more emotional than logical.
They’re not just asking about their partner.
They’re asking about their worth. Their safety. Their voice.
Here are five of the most common relationship questions I hear, and the deeper truth behind them.
1. “Why do I feel like I’m giving more than I’m getting?”
You show up. You communicate. You plan date nights. You remind them about therapy. You keep the connection alive while they just… exist beside you.
What you’re really asking: “Am I lovable even if I stop earning it?”
If you grew up believing love had to be worked for, you may be over-functioning in relationships. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you someone who learned to hustle for emotional safety. But now it’s time to unlearn that and ask for reciprocity without guilt.
👉 Need help balancing effort in love? Explore my relationship coaching services.
2. “Is this relationship worth saving?”
Maybe you’ve been fighting for months. Maybe it’s a gut feeling you can’t shake. You wonder if you’ve hit a rough patch or if you’ve just been making excuses for someone who stopped showing up.
What you’re really asking: “Can I trust myself to leave something that isn’t working?”
Spoiler: you already know the answer. You’re just afraid of starting over after a breakup. But staying in something that slowly chips away at your peace will cost you more than leaving ever will.
🔗 For perspective, the Gottman Institute shares research on how couples can tell when a relationship is truly beyond repair.
3. “Why do we keep having the same fight?”
You’ve had this argument a hundred times. About chores, texting habits, their tone. It always ends the same: resentment, distance, and no real resolution.
What you’re really asking: “Do they care enough to understand me?”
Most recurring fights aren’t about the thing. They’re about the unmet emotional need underneath it. Being dismissed when you’re trying to connect? That hurts. But staying silent to “keep the peace” isn’t peace. It’s quiet resentment. The real answer is improving communication in relationships.
4. “How do I stop being jealous or insecure?”
You hate how anxious you get when they don’t text back. You’re overanalyzing their Instagram activity. You don’t want to be that person, but you are.
What you’re really asking: “Can I feel secure in love without abandoning myself?”
Insecurity doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means something in your nervous system is asking for safety. That might mean doing the self-work to build confidence … or it might mean you’re with someone who triggers your wounds instead of helping you heal them.
👉 Learn more about attachment styles and how they affect relationships.
5. “How do I get the spark back?”
You love each other, but it feels like you’re running a household, not a relationship. The spark is gone, and it’s been gone for a while.
What you’re really asking: “Can we fall back in love?”
The short answer? Yes. But not by doing the same routine over and over. The spark doesn’t come back with one date night. It comes back when you start seeing each other again. When you talk like friends. When you make space for joy and play and curiosity. You don’t fall back in love. You choose your way back.
For more inspiration, read my guide on how to keep long-term relationships exciting.
The Bottom Line
Most people don’t come to me because they need dating tips. They come to me because they want to feel seen.
So if you’ve been asking yourself one of these questions lately, you’re not alone. And if you want help getting out of the confusion and into clarity, I’ve got you.
👉 Book a free 20-minute consultation here: Schedule with Rebecca
Or learn more about me and how I can help you navigate dating, love, and relationships with confidence.
