Hey beautiful souls! It’s Rebecca Cooper Traynor here from Match Me Canada, and today we’re going deep. Let’s talk about something that affects so many of us but is rarely openly discussed in dating—abandonment issues. Whether we know it or not, experiences of feeling abandoned, unseen, or left out as kids often show up in our adult relationships. And if you’ve ever felt that pit of insecurity in dating or wondered why you keep getting “too attached too fast,” you’re not alone. Addressing abandonment wounds in dating can help you find more secure relationships.
Let’s break it down. When we’re young, any sense of loss or instability can leave a lasting mark. This “abandonment wound” can feel like an empty, anxious space that we end up carrying into our relationships. And it’s real—many of my clients experience it, often without knowing where those deep, gnawing fears come from. If you’ve ever felt needy, anxious, or hyper-sensitive to someone’s absence or lack of response, it might be an old wound talking. So let’s get real about recognizing these signs and learning some steps toward healing these abandonment wounds in dating.
What Childhood Abandonment Might Look Like in Dating
1. Constant Fear of Rejection
Maybe as a kid, you had an unstable home life, a parent who was emotionally or physically absent, or even just inconsistent love and attention. Fast-forward to your dating life, and this can translate into constantly fearing your partner will leave, even if there’s no real reason for it. Every time they don’t text back right away, your mind might go to the worst-case scenario: “They’re done with me.” But in reality, they might just be busy or need a little space.
2. Getting Attached Quickly and Strongly
If you experienced abandonment in childhood, you might find yourself getting overly attached the moment someone shows interest. You go all in right away, partly because the attention fills a void you’ve felt for a long time. But without taking the time to get to know each other, this attachment can feel overwhelming for the other person or even lead to disappointment if they don’t turn out to be what you expected.
3. Pushing People Away When They Get Too Close
An abandonment wound doesn’t always look like insecurity—it can also make you guard your heart too tightly. If you’ve been hurt before, you might preemptively push people away because you don’t want to risk the hurt of being left again. It’s a protective move, but it can leave you feeling isolated and misunderstood.
4. Fear of Being Alone or “Needing” Someone
If you find yourself needing to be in a relationship to feel whole, this may be a sign of an abandonment issue. Relationships are wonderful, but they’re not a cure-all for loneliness or insecurity. Learning to feel whole and comfortable alone is a powerful way to start healing these abandonment wounds in dating.
How to Start Recognizing (and Healing) Abandonment Wounds
1. Identify Your Patterns
Start by noticing your recurring reactions in relationships. Do you get anxious when someone doesn’t text back? Do you feel a sense of panic if plans change suddenly? Take some time to reflect on whether these reactions feel similar to moments of fear or insecurity from your childhood.
2. Separate Your Past from Your Present
It’s powerful to remind yourself that your current partner is not the person who may have hurt you in the past. When you feel that pang of insecurity, take a deep breath and ground yourself in the present. Ask yourself, “Is this fear based on my current reality or an old wound?”
3. Practice Open, Honest Communication
A big part of healing is learning to share what you’re feeling without expecting your partner to “fix” it. Try saying, “I’m feeling a bit insecure right now because of some old fears. I just need a little reassurance.” This can help your partner understand where you’re coming from and gives them a chance to support you.
4. Build Self-Security and Independence
Healing an abandonment wound means learning that you’ll be okay on your own. Start small—spend time doing things you love, lean into friendships, and focus on self-care. Building a strong relationship with yourself is the foundation for healthy connections with others.
Final Thoughts: Healing Takes Time, But You’re Worth It
An abandonment wound isn’t something that magically goes away, but with some reflection, self-care, and support, you can start building relationships rooted in security, trust, and genuine connection. If you’re ready to dive deeper into finding love that’s based on real partnership, not fear, I’m here to help. Book a call with me here, and let’s work together to bring clarity, security, and authenticity into your love life. We can address abandonment wounds in dating together.
With love and a little healing wisdom,
Rebecca Cooper Traynor
