Dating is not like it used to be. Friends aren’t introducing friends to their future spouses, and people aren’t dating people they met at a party.
Today, dating is online. Singles scroll online dating sites and apps, hoping to come across a profile and photo of someone that piques their interest.
It seems almost too easy, right?
Well, yes. But there are a few problems, not the least of which is that we’re all busy. As such, we just expect the app to do all the work for us. It’s incredible to me when I see highly accomplished people who are so meticulous in their work life but put little to no effort into dating—and none whatsoever into their dating profile.
Why Your Online Dating Profile is All Wrong
Online dating takes work. Like anything you do and expect a good result, you need to put in the time and effort. If you don’t put any thought into it, the results will likely be poor.
Here’s an example:
A solid guy with a life full of accomplishments, a great career, and who comes from a good family will likely have none of that written in his profile. To top it off, his photos might be professional headshots from five years ago—or maybe images of him that are more recent, and maybe he is in his element, but it’s hard to tell because you only see the side of his face. There’s a photo of him from a trip away, and there he is, hiking up a mountain, but you are barely make out which one’s him in the photo.
How does he expect to grab anyone’s attention? Much less the ideal mate he’s looking for? His profile is vague, lacks detail, and doesn’t tell us much about who he is except that he’s too busy to put in any effort. That does not bode well when you’re looking for a relationship.
The truth is, people put far less effort into their personal lives than they do into their careers. If your online dating efforts leave you feeling frustrated, look in the mirror; I bet you are doing the same thing.
Maximize Your Potential
Online dating is chock-full of potential matches, but it takes work. Even before you post a profile on a site or app, there is much you’ll need to do.
- Get to know yourself. You need to know yourself before you can demonstrate who you are. Think back to previous relationships and be honest about what went wrong—especially your part in it.
- Think about the kind of relationship you’re looking for. Think about the person you’re looking to meet. Make a list of your non-negotiables and deal breakers. You’ll also need to consider what kind of relationship you are ready for and can commit to.
Marketing professionals use a tool called an “ideal buyer persona” to describe their ideal customer. That way, they can envision what that buyer is looking for and tailor their messaging for them specifically. Of course, you need to be authentic—don’t just make it up—but if you can visualize your perfect match, you can probably imagine the characteristics they will be interested in. Hopefully, that will give you some direction.
- Create a personal brand for yourself. The next step is to create your personal brand. This step helps to highlight your most positive attributes to give others on the dating site or app a good sense of who you are.
- Commit some time. Schedule time into your calendar, maybe a couple of evenings a week, to search and message people online. Commit to putting in three months of serious effort online. Remember, nothing worthwhile comes without work! Treat it like a project with a timeline, milestones, and objectives. Keep a pad of paper by your bed (presumably, you are in bed messaging people) and take notes when needed.
- Don’t get discouraged. If you get frustrated with your search, make some notes about what you like about the process, and keep at it. It’s important to keep your spirits up—don’t throw in the towel!
As mentioned earlier, many people limit the info they include in their profiles and don’t put in a lot of effort, so be mindful of that. You might have to message someone a few times to get a response, and you should be open to a few back-and-forth messages with someone before you even have a phone call. Sometimes, it’s a slow process, but it’s all about learning more about them.
- Talk on the phone. Don’t text. Phone calls are essential before you consider meeting up in person.
Why is texting and meeting without a calla bad idea? Simple. People can be whomever they want to be online. Are you seriously open to meeting a complete stranger from a dating site in person without doing your due diligence? Sounds crazy, right?!
Do yourself a favour, and have at least one or two calls with someone before you meet. That way, you can hear their voice and learn more about them, which will set you both up to have a better first date. The other side of this coin could be that you share a call and learn that this person is not for you. That’s a good thing—because you didn’t waste your time. Good for you!
If you’re frustrated with online dating, maybe you need to take a step back and get more methodical about it. Online dating can work, but you must get real about your efforts before it starts to pay off. If you’re struggling with the process and need some friendly objectivity and support, our dating coaches are here for you! Book a call today to find out how we can help.