Three months seems to be a turning point in many dating relationships. Things are going well, you’re having a ton of fun, and suddenly these thoughts creep in… is this serious? And where do we go from here?
The three-month marker is, in most cases, when you’ll need to start having certain relationship conversations. None of us really want to initiate, but things shouldn’t be left unsaid, or else it’s going to drive you nuts. Better to get it on the table so you can both be sure you’re on the right track, investing—and not just wasting—time into something meaningful.
Now, open communication with your partner is something we always strive for, but often, things go unspoken because they are uncomfortable. You might not want to hear the answer because that means you must confront your own (and their) truth and maybe even accept the reality that the relationship has no future.
Why Three Months?
By the time three months go by, you’ll know the other person well enough to have a good sense of who they are. So set a timeline and try to stick to it. Look at your calendar, pick a day or an evening around the three-month milestone, and set up an evening that’s amenable to both of you.
We tend to put off uncomfortable topics, but if things are left unsaid, you’ll end up letting it go on far too long. Think of all the unsuccessful, unsatisfying relationships you’ve had in the past. How much time have you wasted because neither of you dared to call it? Or even ask something as simple as “where is this relationship going?”
Let’s break that cycle. You’re worth it!
Topics to Approach Three Months into The Relationship
It doesn’t have to be all serious and about making hard decisions. You’re still getting to know each other!
But at the three-month mark, you’ll know at least that you enjoy spending time together. You’re exclusive. It’s an excellent time to dive a bit deeper into what you’re both thinking and feeling.
Here are a few essential relationship topics that people tend to avoid speaking about:
- Do they see children in their future, and how many kids?
- What’s their view on money?
- Any past emotional triggers coming up?
- How do you feel about your purpose?
- How do they feel about their purpose?
- What’s their/your five-year goal?10-year goal? (Based on both personal and relationship goals)
- Retirement goal?
- Family expectations?
Before you get together for this conversation, take some time to think about your own answers. You should also consider a few self-directed questions that you don’t necessarily have to share:
- Pros and cons of the relationship/other person (make a list)
- Do they make your life better?
- Are you happy?
- Does your time together bring you joy?
- Are there any barriers to joy or red flags of concern?
On the Day, In the Moment
Having these conversations helps you learn more about your partner, but also it allows for them to take a moment and be present in their response. The best responses are when someone doesn’t immediately know how to respond or doesn’t have a ready answer. These moments show you more about them, but they also help them learn about themselves.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind as you talk:
- Come from a place of nonjudgement. We all have quirks, demons, and a past. Love is about acceptance, not judgement.
- Create a safe space for them to share. People will share more openly if they feel safe and trust the other person.
- Don’t nit-pick. These are open discussions and should remain balanced, so be aware of how you frame your questions. They should not feel confrontational as that creates barriers.
Ultimately, your three-month conversations are about relationship-building. You’ve come this far, and it’s time to learn more about each other and see if your visions for the future align.
And don’t stress out too much about the long-term scenario; it could well be that you’re not quite there yet, and that’s totally okay. As long as you’re on the same page—that’s the goal. Your conversations should create more clarity for you both and help you know where you stand as a couple.