As a professional matchmaker, I sometimes ask myself:
“Does this person actually want to meet someone? Or do they just want to tell themselves that they tried?”
Do they want to make a serious effort to get to know themselves and see others as potential life partners? Or are they deciding well before the first date begins that “they’ve tried,” but the person likely won’t be for them.
Let’s be serious here. You are meeting a stranger hoping they’ll become a possible life partner and yet you are going into the date with your mental checklist to see if they measure up to what you think you are looking for in a partner.
Does this approach seem likely to work? How’s it been working out for you so far?
I’m here to share that you might, without any good reason, be being too hard on somebody you don’t even know—someone who may be nervous or uncomfortable about meeting youtoo—and you aren’t giving them (or yourself) a decent shot.
Taking chances can be rewarding
Think about times in your past when you have made a new friend – someone whose company you truly enjoyed. Maybe there was a connection early on, or perhaps you saw them out at events several times before you got to know them and appreciate them. As you’ve gotten to know them even better, you now love and appreciate them even more!
Unfortunately, finding a partner doesn’t happen as it does inthe movies. Sorry.Love isn’t all fairy-tale moments, walks in the rain, and candlelit dinners. If you are setting your personal love goals based on these head-in-the-clouds ideas, you’re in for a big disappointment.
In truth, the most precious things in life can be easily missed when you’re too focused on a specific outcome. Love, once we find it, is often nothing like we imagine it to be.
Spoiler alert – it’s even better!
Though it’s not impossible, a connection doesn’t oftenhappen on a first date. True love—and the deep connection that leads to it—takes time, patience, and a willingness to admit you don’t have all the answers. In fact, when you do find love, it may be in ways and in places you wouldn’t even have imaginedif you put any thought into it.
You need to allow yourself time to feel comfortable with someone and allow your match to feel comfortable with you before you start looking for a romantic connection. Making assumptions too quickly can lead to disappointment. Even if there was trulysomething there, it might get buried under sky-high expectations or fantasies about the way you think things ought to be.
Here are a couple of common first-date fantasies that often lead to disappointment:
- You are too particular about specific traits. If you are looking for a man (or a woman) who is six-foot-three, has a black belt, and cooks every night, you might be in for a disappointment. Setting your standards to such a high level or being too particular with details almost guarantees disappointment. Who can possibly live up to those standards?Your wish list is more likely to be a defense mechanism to help you avoid intimacy.
- You “don’t feel a spark” immediately, so it’s game over. That “spark” is often sexual chemistry, which can mask a lot of other, less desirable traits. Most people, when they feel that spark, can’t look any further than that. They get into relationships quickly and soon find out that the person is not who they wanted them to be. The “spark” fades, and you’re back at square one. Sound familiar? It’s not uncommon to “not feel it” right away. Your mind is on appearances, surface elements. You are nervous, self-conscious, and quite possibly, so are they. Many find that once they have a chance to get to know their date a little better, the attraction gets stronger.
How a matchmaker can help
Over the years at Match Me Canada, we’ve been able to help many singles open up their hearts, minds, and souls to finding love. However, there are some singles that—no matter what we do to assist them—will continue to sabotage themselves and their chances. Unfortunately, that’s on them – notus.
We work closely with you on your journey, helping you manage your expectationsand open your eyes to the possibilities. Ultimately, we want what you want: for you to be happy and in love. But we also know that it often takes time and effort.
Just like any successful executive, you probably tend to call on the experts to make everything you do look easy. Think of us as your love experts, and let’s talk about how we can make that part of your life shine too.