Hey there, love warriors! It’s Rebecca Cooper Traynor from Match Me Canada. After 15 years in matchmaking and date coaching, I’m here to talk about one of the most underrated and essential skills in dating: communication. And by “communication,” I don’t mean endless overthinking, rehearsing conversations in your head, or making up scenarios—nope, I’m talking about actual words, spoken out loud, to the person you’re interested in. Remember, in these moments, your feelings matter.
Here’s what I’ve noticed: instead of saying what they feel, people spend way too much time driving themselves crazy with “what if” scenarios and imaginary conversations. Whether it’s in a new relationship, a friendship with romantic potential, or even in a long-term relationship, so many people let their unspoken feelings create chaos in their minds rather than taking the risk to communicate. And trust me, I’ve seen the missed connections, regrets, and painful “what could have been” moments this leads to.
If you’re one of those people hoping someone will just magically know how you feel—let’s chat about why it’s time to start saying it out loud.
Why Communication Matters More Than Overthinking
1. Overthinking Is Not Communication
Thinking about every possible outcome, rehearsing what you might say, and picturing the worst-case scenario? That’s all just mental gymnastics. Communication only happens when you actually talk to the person. So if you’re feeling something, ask yourself: Do they know? If the answer’s no, it’s time to change that.
2. Feelings Unspoken = Feelings Unfulfilled
I’ve worked with so many people who have close friendships they’re in love with but can’t bring themselves to confess their feelings. Instead, they date around, comparing everyone to this one person they’re actually invested in. But here’s the thing—if you can’t share how you feel, that person may never know, and you may never have the relationship you truly want. It’s a recipe for regret, not romance.
3. Waiting Isn’t a Strategy
If you’re hoping someone will “just know” how you feel or that fate will magically reveal your feelings, it’s time to get real. Waiting for someone to make the first move or notice your signals isn’t a foolproof plan—it’s setting yourself up for disappointment. Real connection happens when both people know where they stand, and that only happens with clear, direct communication.
4. Being Open Doesn’t Make You Vulnerable; It Makes You Real
Sharing your feelings can feel terrifying, I know. But it’s a game-changer when it comes to building real relationships. Relationships thrive on honesty, clarity, and vulnerability. If you’re clear about your intentions, you’re building a foundation of trust and respect, not walking on eggshells hoping someone “just gets it.”
Practical Tips for Communicating Your Feelings
1. Start Small: If sharing your feelings feels intimidating, start with something simple. For example, “I really value our friendship, and I’ve noticed I feel something more.” You don’t need to deliver a big speech—just start a conversation.
2. Ask Questions to Create Openness: If you’re not sure how to dive in, start by asking questions that open the door to honest communication. “Have you ever thought about us as more than friends?” or “I want to talk about how we feel—is that okay with you?” creates an inviting space.
3. Acknowledge Your Fear, Then Go for It: Being honest doesn’t mean you have to be fearless. It’s okay to admit, “This feels a little scary, but I need to share how I feel.” Trust me, people respect and appreciate courage.
4. Let Go of the Outcome: Not every confession will lead to a relationship, but every honest conversation builds clarity and connection. Whether it works out or not, at least you won’t be left wondering “what if.”
Don’t Let Unspoken Feelings Be Your Biggest Regret
I get it—sharing how you feel can be scary. But keeping everything inside? That’s just a fast track to heartbreak and regret. Real love, real connection, and real relationships happen when we show up fully—feelings, fears, hopes, and all. If you’re ready to stop living in the “what ifs” and start moving toward the real thing, I’m here to help. Book a call with me here, and let’s work together to turn your feelings into real, lasting connections.
With love and a little tough love,
Rebecca Cooper Traynor
