Are you stuck in an endless first-date scenario? What I mean by that is—do you have a lot of first dates that don’t often blossom into a second?
If your dating luck is running a bit thin, you need to consider your part in the situation. There could be a hundred reasons why a first date doesn’t lead to a second, but the answer might be simpler than you think.
Dating success all comes down to one thing: connection. Connection goes beyond chemistry! Sometimes it has more to do with what you say and less about your appearance, the activity, or choice of venue.
In a nutshell, boring questions lead to boring conversations, which makes the possibility of a second date unrealistic.
First Dates are Often Awkward
You’re not the only person who freezes up on first dates. We all do it. First dates are usually awkward, and they can be uncomfortable. You’re so focused on presenting yourself a certain way that you can’t be present and enjoy the moment.
But if you can loosen up and be playful, maybe you’ll find some common ground, feel a bond, and make one another laugh.
If you can do this, you are almost guaranteed a second date—for real!
Conversation is The Key
Conversation is the secret to making any date memorable. Do a little homework ahead of time, think of exciting questions that will make for fabulous conversations.
There are really no rules here, but don’t be afraid to dig deep. Think about interesting things about yourself and what questions you imagine someone would ask to bring those ideas out of you.
Ultimately, you’ll want to ask questions that you would have no problem answering yourself, and it might well swing back in your direction, so be prepared for that—but don’t be too eager to jump in and tell your side of things. Remember, you learn nothing about anybody when you’re the one doing all the talking!
Here are some sample questions to help kickstart your brainstorming:
- What’s the most common misconception people have about you?
This is fun because it gives your date a chance to show a part of themselves that maybe isn’t obvious on the surface.
- What did you learn about yourself during the pandemic?
Everybody’s had a revelation or two over the past couple of years. It’s familiar ground! Compare notes!
- Who are you closest to in your family, and why?
Family values can be a big relationship issue. This is a gentle way to find out how they feel about and relate to the people closest to them.
- Tell me a story about you as a teenager that no one else knows.
We’ve all got a few crazy stories—and it’s a good way to form a picture of your date’s early life and have a few laughs in the process.
- How do you calm down after a stressful day at work?
Here’s an indirect way to find out what makes them unwind. It makes for more interesting conversation than “do you like wine?” or “do you like to work out?”
- Who is the person you call when you need someone to talk to?
This lets you know more about your date’s social circle—and their need for an outlet. People with lots of friends and loved ones are generally very balanced and emotionally healthy individuals.
- What’s one change you would make to the world with a snap of a finger?
It’s a big question, but who doesn’t want to change the world in some way? This question will tell you a lot about their worldview.
- Who’s the best person living in your memories?
Living or dead? Friend or historical figure? The sky’s the limit here, and it gives you a glimpse into their daydreams and motivations for being who they are.
- What’s something you’ve been afraid of for as long as you can remember?
If they don’t want to go down this road, have other topics to switch to. You just don’t know whether they are processing trauma and if the question will trigger an unpleasant memory. On the other hand, it could be something you can laugh about, like being afraid of ghosts or spiders. Tune in to the vibe!