Do you ever wonder why you and your partner don’t see eye-to-eye on some things? You love each other madly, but when it comes to showing it, they don’t, can’t, or won’t give you what you need. It’s not because they don’t care, but it’s like you don’t even speak the same language in those moments.
The answer might be simpler than you think.
What Are Love Languages?
The Five Love Languages were developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counsellor, who identified a distinct pattern emerging over time. One spouse would say, “I feel like they don’t love me at all!” which led him to ask the question, “what is it you really want?”
He found that the answers unerringly fell into five categories. These are the love languages we all speak, and they highlight the differences you’re noting between you and your partner. How we each give and receive love is often different from the way others do. When you understand your love languages and those of your partner’s, you’ll better understand how to relate to each other in a loving and meaningful way.
In essence – even if you speak different love languages, you can still make it work!
To find out your love languages, you’ll take a short quiz that asks you to choose between two statements (either this or that). The results are your love languages, ranked in order of importance. They are:
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Words of Appreciation
When you compare your love languages to your partner’s, it’s often an eye-opening experience. Sometimes our priorities are utterly opposite from the other person’s, and this discovery might enlighten you as to why you’re not clicking like you think you should.
For example, if your primary love language is physical touch and your partner’s is acts of service, you might both be falling short of the other’s expectations. Or maybe you’re always giving your partner little gifts, but they never seem to appreciate them. Does that upset you? It could be that receiving gifts is a very low priority for them. Maybe words of appreciation are more important. Knowing this might also save you a little money, wink-wink!
When you know your partner’s love languages and what’s important to them—and what’s not so important—it’s easier to fulfill each other’s needs, and your relationship will grow stronger because of it.
Do You Speak A Different Love Language Than Your Partner? Here’s How To Make It Work!
It is important for you to feel safe in a relationship and to be able to communicate openly with your partner about your and their needs. Believe it or not, some people don’t even know what their needs are, so a lot of soul searching, sharing, and discovery needs to happen.
We are not all the same, so expecting us to feel and give love the same way is just not realistic. To achieve balance in a relationship, it’s crucial for us to know what matters to our partner and to make an effort to show them how we feel in return.
Doing the inner work, paying attention to our own needs, and how things make us feel helps us learn more about ourselves. We need to know what makes us feel loved. And once we know this, we have a responsibility to share what we’ve learned with those we care about.
In many cases, our partner has a different love language than us. Though it may feel like making the relationship work is too challenging, it really isn’t; it just takes a little work. Keep in mind – nothing worthwhile comes easily. If you want your relationship to grow strong, you’ll need to come together, communicate openly, and make a solid effort to understand your partner’s point of view.
Communication is Essential
Open communication is the key to success in a relationship. Being vulnerable and sharing feelings doesn’t always come easy, but asking your partner questions and allowing them to share freely with no judgement will enable them to communicate more easily with you.
To get the most out of the love languages, be sure you both take the online quiz. Once you’ve learned what your love languages are, you will both know better how to make each other feel loved. Once in a while, you or they might need a reminder, so don’t be shy about speaking up. Communicating your needs is essential to feeling fulfilled.
To purchase the 5 Love Language Book by Gary Chapman, click here:https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=7EB44CFRSHK22
To learn about your love languages, complete one of these questionnaires: