Hey! It’s Rebecca Cooper Traynor from Match Me Canada, your go-to matchmaker and dating coach. I’ve been matchmaking for 15 years, and here’s what I’ve learned: finding love isn’t just about meeting someone, it’s about understanding yourself—your patterns, your insecurities, your needs. That’s why the coaching piece of what I do is so crucial. Recently, we’ve been focusing on helping people meet their match online, because let’s be real—dating in 2024 is happening on your phone. But there’s a major thing we need to talk about: coming on too strong.
What Does “Coming on Too Strong” Look Like?
Dating is all about pacing, people! If you’re diving in headfirst, laying on the compliments, planning the future after two dates, or sharing your deepest fears right away… slow your roll! I’ve had clients who were wonderful people—smart, funny, the whole package—but they would go on dates and overshare like it was therapy hour. One of them, let’s call her Sarah, would go on dates and immediately start unloading all her insecurities. She’d get into her family issues, her past heartbreaks—by the end of the night, her date was overwhelmed, and Sarah was left feeling like the connection wasn’t going to work out anyway. And here’s the thing: she was right—because by oversharing, she’d built walls between herself and the other person without even realizing it.
And, full disclosure, I’ve been there myself. I remember being in my early 20s and going on a date with this guy I was so excited about. I wanted it to work out so badly, but my approach? It was a disaster. I overshared to the point that I wanted to leave the date because I was turning myself off. I was laying out my whole life—problems, family drama, insecurities—and I knew, even while I was doing it, that I was pushing myself further away from any chance of building a real connection.
Red Flags When Someone’s Coming On Too Strong
So, what does “coming on too strong” actually look like? Here are the major red flags to watch for:
1. Instant Over-Commitment
When someone you’ve barely met starts talking about how perfect you are and making future plans after two dates? It’s not romantic—it’s overwhelming. Real connections take time to build. If they’re trying to rush it, take a step back.
2. Nonstop Attention
Constant messaging, double-texting, or getting upset if you don’t respond right away? That’s a sign of someone coming on too strong. Healthy relationships have space to breathe, and if they can’t respect that, they may not be respecting your boundaries.
3. Compliments Overload
Look, we all love compliments—but when someone showers you with them from the very start, it can feel… a bit much. Genuine compliments feel earned, not excessive. Too many too soon can be a sign of potential control issues down the line.
What To Do If You’re the One Coming on Too Strong
Now, let’s be real: We’ve all been there. You meet someone new, you’re excited, and maybe you’re coming on a little strong yourself. So, how do you dial it back and keep things healthy?
1. Slow Your Roll
Relationships are marathons, not sprints. Feel the connection, yes! But take your time. Really get to know the other person before making any big emotional investments. Let things unfold naturally.
2. Respect Their Space
If you’re texting nonstop or trying to monopolize their time, take a step back. Give them space to miss you. Trust me, a little distance can create a lot of attraction.
3. Focus on You, Too
Remember: dating is just one part of your life. Keep your friendships, hobbies, and interests alive. The last thing you want is to lose yourself in someone else’s world. Keep living your life, and let the relationship complement that—not take it over.
Final Thoughts: Don’t Overdo It
Whether you’re the one coming on too strong or you’re dating someone who’s overwhelming you with attention, it’s all about balance. Real connections take time to build, and while excitement is great, relationships need to develop organically. Oversharing, over-committing, and overdoing it from the start can push people away before you’ve even given things a real shot. So, slow it down, stay true to yourself, and remember: a little patience goes a long way in love.
With love (and some dating wisdom),
Rebecca Cooper Traynor
