If you’re the type of person who tends to fall fast for people you’re dating, you know what happens next. You get caught up in the whirlwind of romance and the idea of being in love—but often, it’s only that: a dream, an ideal. A fairy-tale! It’s not reality.
The veil of newness clouds your judgement. You want love so badly that you believe that they’re “the one.” In truth, you don’t really know the person at all. Things heat up fast, and suddenly you’re in a relationship with a total stranger.
It might not end well. Of course, there’s a slim chance that it could work out, but that’s all it is—a chance. In all likelihood, somebody’s going to get their heart broken.
Leading With Your Emotions
Many people live their lives with their emotions first and head second. They embrace the idea of falling in love, and before they even know the person they are dating, they are head over heels and feeling all the feels.
It’s exciting to have someone new to dream with, but you both need to be on the same page. Building a life together takes time. There are real risks of falling too fast, and if you aren’t careful, you can get burned in many ways you wouldn’t expect, and we’re not just talking about a broken heart.
If you see your new relationship through a foggy halo, there are lots of things you’ll miss, set aside, or won’t even think about until you’re in too deep.
Plenty of incredibly wise people are doomed to make the same relationship mistakes over and over.Believe it or not, none of us are exempt. Even if you’re pretty level-headed about most things, that doesn’t mean you won’t get caught up in the whirlwind of a new attraction at one point or another—but for some people, it’s a modus operandi, and a destructive one at that.
Slow it Down: Friendship Comes First
The strongest relationships build and progress naturally over time. Intense emotions put a lot of pressure on the other person to reciprocate, and love should not be forced.
Look at establishing a love relationship like building a friendship. At first, it’s fun and can be a little reckless, but as you get to know one another, you start to truly see and understand them for who they are. This is where you’ll discover how much you actually like them. It’s really important to get to this stage before you do things like moving in together, buying property together, or introducing them around to your family and friends.
What’s The Hurry?
Moving fast might work for some couples, but both people need to be invested in the relationship and want to move fast together. A relationship is a contract, which means, of course, that more than one person is involved in the decision-making process. None of us like to be forced to do anything, so if any aspect of your relationship is strained because of this, resentment is sure to follow.
If only one person is hurrying the relationship and pressing for specific outcomes, long-term love likely won’t happen. Why? Because the person rushing is scaring off the other person. It’s too-much-too-soon. Had the situation progressed organically and without any undue pressure, you might not be reading this at all.
Here are a few reasons you might be rushing the relationship:
- You want to feel needed
- You are lonely
- You love “being in love,”– but do you really know what love is?!
Here are some hard truths. According to Psychology Today, people who rush into relationships tend to be attracted to toxic personalities. That, in itself, should give you pause. It’s even got a name: emophilia.
If you fall in love fast and hard, you tend to ignore relationship red flags and may end up in a relationship with someone who’s out to manipulate you. Of course, that’s not always the case. People with this tendency don’t always gravitate to darker traits, but there is certainly a danger. It’s a vulnerability, and you open yourself up to manipulation.
While we all need to be a bit vulnerable in a relationship, you need to temper this tendency until there is real trust between you.
How to Stop Falling Fast For People You’re Dating
Ready for some action steps? Here’s what to do if you are always rushing relationships. First off, do some soul searching. Why are you rushing? What void are you trying to fill? If you can be 100% honest with yourself, you’ll find the answers.
As an exercise, here are a few questions to ask yourself, the answers to which will help you gain focus, slow down, and not fall too fast:
- What does love mean to you? What do you want it to be?
- What are your values – for example, do you prefer stability or adventure?
- Look at where you are in life and your career. Does the other person support your goals or pull you away from them?
- What are your relationship priorities/deal breakers? It’s okay to set limits.
- What does the other person need, and can you meet those needs? For example, if the other person needs emotional support, can you provide that? Knowing what the other person expects out of your connection is just as important as what you want. Both sides have expectations—what are they?